Facts vs. Feelings….

Why is it that there seems to be a disconnect between facts and feelings??

I would have bet you a $1000.00 my LO would not remember my birthday; get me a birthday card, much less a present. But yet there was that pang of disappointment when it happened. I am so thankful for all my friends who called, emailed or wrote on Face Book and wished me a “Happy Birthday”!

The Tirade: It hurts when she accuses me of “not respecting” her; saying that I “discount” or “put down” what she says. ( A long time ago, I used to tell her she “made shit up!”… Now, I know that she actually did!) The tirade usually continues (along with an increase in volume),  that she’s not going to put up with it any longer; that she’s not going to try and “please” me anymore; that she has to “find “herself; get back to being productive and feeling good about herself….. AND if I want to be a “good” spouse I better get with the program,  because I’m “skating on thin ice”!

I now have figured out the “trigger” and the “why”.  The trigger is ANY disagreement with her about ANYTHING.  e.g. I was driving us home from a Xmas party and I disagreed with one of her numerous suggestions, requests, directions, commands to my driving. (I am completely unaware of what is coming next). It takes about 5-10 minutes then she unloads with the semi-automatic.  If I try and figure out what I might have said or did by questioning her, then she re-loads with the fully automatic weapon and she doesn’t doesn’t stop till she’s out of ammo. ( it’s the exact same tirade every time).

It took me a while to figure out the “why”. In the beginning when her work/career started to suffer, (she was always in the top 10 in our company, and actually in the top 10 of everything she has ever done.) she said it was because I was “micro-managing ” her and her business. Then she decided that her physical pain (it’s real), was the reason she felt “fuzzy” and why she couldn’t work, right now. Most of her self worth is tied to “being Productive and Successful”, all of which she has always been, easily. So, I believe the “why” of last night’s tirade was the Xmas Party. I’m sure that some folks (a few friends there  knew the score), asked the usual “party” questions: How are you doing?  How’s work?…… which started her ruminating about her current state which led to the ambush.

It hurts me so much to see her struggle and feel bad about herself and not being able to comfort her and say “it’s not your fault; you have a disease that is physically changing your brain”; “I love you and I’m not going anywhere”. But yet, armed with the facts that I know, it still hurts, when she says I’m not being a “good spouse”……

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4 thoughts on “Facts vs. Feelings….

  1. I can definitely relate to the tirades. My husband knows he has Alzheimer’s, but he doesn’t realize the extent that it affects him. If I disagree with him about ANYTHING, he gets in a mood. Often he will tirade. This is not an easy life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That reminds me of one of the changes with Bob after his stroke. People would tell me that he was rude on the phone when they called when I was not at home (this was before most personal calls were on my cell.) I finally figured out that he was afraid that they would ask him to take a message and he wasn’t capable of doing that: he could neither write down the information nor remember any of the details well enough to relay them to me. I told friends to just call back if I wasn’t home without expecting him to take a message. I hate to think of how pressured and inadequate he felt over something so small.

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