It’s early in the morning … I’m alone, trying to get ahead of the game.
What will the coming hours bring?
No two days are ever the same.
I hear you awaken.
My blood pressure begins to rise.
You see only me, in your eyes.
As your day begins, mine fades away.
Your needs are demanding.
They always come my way.
The interruptions are relentless.
Against their never ending barrage.
I sometimes feel alone, and defenseless.
The repeat questions never abate.
This is my life.
Which at times, I have come to hate.
As the day inches forward.
The challenges amass.
My patience is shredded, can I somehow last?
You still demand, argue, and complain.
But when it comes to reason and logic.
Neither one remain.
Your mind and your feet, they both wander.
Sometimes they’re here.
Sometimes over yonder.
Your mind forgets how to do simple things.
You’re like a bird.
Trying to fly, with two broken wings.
Everywhere I go, everything I do.
There’s never just one.
Shadowing makes sure there’s two.
When the Sun lowers in the west.
Sun downing leaves you confused,
anxious, and depressed.
This disease is a run-a-way train.
It’s out of control,
as it slowly destroys your brain.
But then, something rekindles your beauty inside.
For a fleeting moment, we re-connect.
Is there a chance to give life another ride?
Then just as quickly, you vanish from my eyes.
I tell myself, someday you’ll be better.
But I know, it’s just lies.
You didn’t ask for this.
It isn’t your fault.
Why did your beautiful life come to this crashing halt?
I wish I could see things through your view.
I might be more understanding.
I might know what to say or do.
I can’t relate, I don’t understand.
But Lord knows, I try.
The very best I can.
How do I survive this “longest goodbye?”
I suck it up, I stand tall, I’m your everything.
I can’t let you see me cry.
Oh yes, many times, I have cried.
But my tears never flow,
I keep them inside.
This disease is horrid, there is no cure.
Yet, I stay true to my heart.
Somehow I manage to endure.
For this challenge, I could not prepare.
A three year old adult.
Desperate for my unconditional love, and care.
Caregivers bear relentless stress, anguish, and emotional suffering.
Until the inevitable day.
When all that’s left, is nothing.
What is yet to come?
The question alone makes me shiver.
This is the surreal life, the living hell, of an Alzheimer’s caregiver.
"I couldn't have said it any better".