First: update on the DMV- She didn’t pass the written test, (you can miss 3 and she missed 4). But, wait for it!……. they allow them to re-test within a week. This time she studied, and she passed! So, the next step is the driving test. I would have bet you $100 she could pass the driving test and she did! So now, I don’t know the next step…. We follow-up with “that Lady”, (the neurologist) in 2 weeks. I think I will give her a “heads-up” that she passed. Apparently she does have the power to just say ,”you can’t drive any more”! Laura is likely to go ballistic if she tells her that to her face. (hence, the “heads-up”). Good news is that she isn’t driving very much since the caregiver is here 5 days/week. (remember, I told her it was the “rule” that the caregiver had to drive her.)
Second: I was gone on vacation for a week in the Canadian Rockies, heli-hiking! (yes, just like heli-skiing but in the summer). It was great! and much needed. I did have some angst about leaving but with the caregiver there 10 hrs/day and the cameras it was OK. I was able to relax and re-rejuvenate to some extent. The biggest relief was not having to make any decisions. It was all done for us or ahead of time.
Third: I was happy to be back home for about a nano second. I noticed the dog’s poop was “green” and slimy, ( I guess I could have just said different, but where’s the fun in that!) and I noticed that the “Greenie” chew treats were ALL gone! (Caregiver told me she gives her one 3-4 times a day!) So I mentioned, with an “Oh by the way” tone and casualness, that she shouldn’t give her more than 1 per day. So far so good. Then when she came to bed, about 2 am; she woke me up and said she was NOT happy with what I said! Well… at 2 am I have NO idea what she’s talking about. Now the volcano is starting to rumble, (after 5 years I know the signs), and she no longer needs my feedback. She steamrolls into …..”and if you ever “hit” the dog again, I will put you out!” Whoa… what did she just say! I cannot let that go, ( I know I should but I can’t). I protest that I have NEVER hit Daisy! Now the escalation coupled with the fabrication: “I saw you with my own eyes! I was right there!”; next sentence, “I heard her yelp, you were upstairs and I was downstairs! (mind you, the dog hasn’t been able to go upstairs for at least 9 months). Here’s the best: “it took all I had not to “bash your head in!” “The animals mean more to me than you!” “If YOU EVER… do that again, YOU WILL be homeless!” I had no idea what to do! So, I said nothing and stared at the ceiling, eventually she shut the light off and then I could close my eyes and cry in silence. The next day: no mention of the early morning, one-sided conversation and she even pleasantly reminded me to buy some more “Greenie’s” because we are all out!
Fourth: I feel so guilty because I don’t want to stay at home a lot of times. I feel good when I’m with my friends, working out and having coffee after; or playing golf; or having lunch/dinner. Is that enough?? I don’t know…… How long can I continue?? I don’t know……
5 thoughts on “Where do I start…….”
Rhonda, I am so happy for you that you had fun on your “hell-hiking” trip. I really enjoyed seeing your smiling face on your posts. Sounds like “home hell” a day at a time. No one is a saint, so if you are, please stop beating yourself up. I think questioning one’s self is healthy unless it turns into morbid reflection. This is an impossible situation for anyone.
You can only cope with the help of your HP and support from your friends. Being active and hanging with friends is so much a part of who you are and always have been. You still have to be you.
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Thanks for reminding me that I have always enjoyed hanging out with my friends and I’m not just using them as an excuse to escape, even though it does serve that purpose too.
My fingers can’t keep up with my brain, there is so much I want to say to you. First of all, I just wish I could give you a hug. Just when I think living with EDS is more than I can cope with, I reach out for my girlfriend (who has brain issues that pale to L) to find out what you have been dealing with. I am deeply sorry. My last client(paying) was a lovely woman with Alz. She had a devoted husband and daughter. I figured out that music helped relax her and brought a smile to her face. That and got her poor contracted knees moving again.(No one knew what to do,!)
I have a ton I want to share, but will contact you in a more private venue.
Hang in there Bud, you are now at the top of my prayer list. Right next to Mueller putting the hammer down on DJT.
Know this my sister…you’re loved by many and we don’t have the words to comfort you…hell I don’t think there are words that can accomplish comfort in your particular situation….this is hard to say….but it’s time for you to look for more help than a caregiver…I don’t want you to get hurt…and the Laura I know wouldn’t want you to get hurt either.
Thanks for being in my corner