The folks at the Memory Care Facility said that one of the benefits of my LO being there, is that most likely our relationship would change, for the better, because I would no longer have the role of the caregiver and I could go back to being a spouse.
The “thing” I missed the most during this journey, was losing our intimacy. She was so angry at me 99% of the time; there was no communicating; there was no closeness, ( physical or emotional). All there was, was verbal abuse, threats of divorce and impeding physical violence. I have a pretty “thick skin”, especially since I knew that it wasn’t her but this dreaded disease talking; but all of that did take a toll. Our relationship changed. I was a caregiver, NOT a partner, a spouse, or even a friend.
And now, just like they said, my LO wants me as a partner, spouse and cetainly as a friend. So, why am I not jumping with joy??? A fellow traveler on this unsolicted journey put words to my feelings: “I feel like a parent taking care of a child”. I love her and will always take care of her, but there is no romance left.
Should I feel guilty? Should I try harder? Will it come back? Should I pretend? ( for her sake I certainly will pretend). There is no “HOW OR WHAT TO FEEL” book !! And everyone has an opinion!
So……, all I can do is express/share my thoughts and feelings and pray.
Pray for strength, guidance and love.